Friday, November 26, 2010

My Very First (blogged) Movie Review

So, my darling husband rented The Expendables tonight, knowing how badly I wanted to see it. To me, that movie is the equivalent to giving a child the key to a candy store. I am an action and horror fanatic. There is no such thing as too much gore, too many explosions, or too many weapons. The more hand to hand combat the better. And somebody better off the bad guy in a violent and/or gory manner by the end of the movie.

Having said all that, I have to say...I feel let down. I'm extremely disappointed by this movie. The trailers teased some of my all time favorite action heroes including Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and many more. If you're renting it to see any of the above you'll be very disappointed. Now, if you don't like spoilers, stop reading....NOW!

Bruce and Arnold are in one five minute scene for the whole movie. Mickey has a total of three scenes, albeit the best in the movie. You can't NOT love Mickey Rourke. Dolph has very few, though rather action packed scenes, and the list of disappointments goes on.

Remember how much I said I love explosions? I hated them in this movie. They reminded me of the bad technicolor bombs from the mid to late 80s. You know what I mean, then ones that look like somebody added the flames after the movie was shot, and only as an afterthought.

Now, on to the plot. Though I can easily watch an action movie with a weak plot, this one was not only weak, but overly predictable. It seemed every scene or major line was cliched, right down to the damsel in distress. Apparently, whoever came up with this movie didn't get the memo about the bad ass heroines now gracing the big screen. Hell, even books are chock full of women kicking ass left and right. I'm not on a sexist rant, trust me, but at least let the woman get a little revenge.

I did laugh at a few of the weak jokes, (Jet Li has some great conversations about why he deserves more money), and smiled at the creative gore in some scenes, but overall...very, very disappointed. If you're interested in seeing for yourself, make sure you go to Red Box or the Blockbuster equivalent so you only lose $1 (and approximately an hour and a half of your life). I would've been pissed had I spent $10 to see this at the theatre.