You asked, I answered. This is how I write...

Dozens of people have asked me over the past year how to write a book. Normally, I say...just write. That doesn't always go over well, but I don't always know how to tell someone who's never written a short story how to write a novel. While trying to go to sleep last night, an analogy I heard once on one of the writing boards I stalk started playing through my head. I just added a little to it....

When starting a book, you have to think of Adam and Eve.

Want a bite?

 Yep, that's what I said-Adam and Eve. Everything has to start with the bones. Not everyone does this part the same, but all stories end up the same way - the skeletal form of a novel. Some choose to outline. Some choose to wing it. I'm a little of both. Sometimes I have a fabulous idea, but have to sit down and type out a few things to see if I can make it work. Other times, I outline nothing more than the character or world building. When I write a story I want to know where the characters went to school, their favorite colors, their fave food and drink, why they act the way they do, even if they've ever had an ingrown toe nail. Now, of course a majority of this never makes it into the book, but it helps me get to know the characters better.

Other times, I know what I want to happen, but I'm not sure which order, so I outline the approximate events. A lot of times this will tell me if I even want to include certain events, or eliminate them completely.

The next part is adding the meat. Obviously, we can't walk around as nothing but skeletons. It would cause mass panic, and people would try to hunt us thinking we were zombies.

Gr. I'm a zombie..

This is where after planning what I want to happen, or maybe even after doing the mad dash to get the story out of my head, I'll go back and add details. Maybe I need to add more description of the room which will play a huge part in a scene. Maybe I need to add more description to a fight scene to make it more intense. Or maybe I need to do a little more research about a certain species of creature, or illness someone is inflicted with. The story is now resembling a real novel.

Now, at times, we women (and some men) want perfection. Therefore, we have to go through the book and remove the moles, warts, blemishes, and all imperfections. Beauty marks may look good on a woman, but they don't in a novel. Well, at least not a lot of beauty marks. You don't want to send a novel into the universe covered in zits!

I'm sexy and I know it...

What I mean by imperfections is all those repeat words, the excessive 'that's, and all of those annoying adverbs! Kill them! Kill them all!!!! Okay, not all. But adverbs should be like any seasoning...used in moderation.

There. Hopefully this short description helped someone. How do you write? Do you have some advice for those who are finally sitting down to write the book they've always dreamed of?

It's the End of the World As We Know It...

And I feel fine.

I know I promised to blog on a more regular basis, but I gotta tell you...I'm not sure what to write about. Sometimes I try to think of something I think you'd want to read. Others, I feel like venting. But, what should this page truly be about?

Tell me, oh wonderful readers, what would you like to see me blog about more often? Would you like more writing tips from experts? Or maybe some more guest posts by some of the most awesome people I've ever had the privilege of meeting? How about just a whole lot of pictures of naked people....seriously, I'll do it.

Here's your chance, peeps. Tell momma what it is you want to see on a regular basis. It's all about you at this moment!

How NOT to Succeed as an Author

How many articles have you seen on how to become a successful writer? Ten? Twenty? One hundred? I know I've personally scoured through the Internet trying to find every article on how to become a successful author, how to find an agent, how to schedule a successful book release party. Yet, here I sit, unpublished (with a traditional house, anyway), and still completely obscure and unknown.

So, I've decided to write an article on How NOT to Become a Successful Author.

Tip 1-Don't bother editing your work....that's what in-house editors are for.
Why should I bother editing anything win the publishin hows will due it fore me? I mean, isn't that watt they git paid four?

Tip 2-The second you finish your manuscript, write a query and start searching for an agent. Any agent will do, so just pick a name out of a hat and hit send.

You finished the book, why not go ahead and shop it? I mean, I know you spent at least a good week or so, why waste anymore time on educating yourself about specific agencies, or even revising and perfecting your manuscript?!


Tip 3-When you receive a rejection, email the agent/s immediately and demand they give you a legitimate reason as to why they aren't interested in your masterpiece. They obviously couldn't see past the hastily written, typo laden query to see just how very brilliant you and your story really are.

Tip 4-Instead of querying through email, why not send all queries through mail whether the agent asks for snail mail or not? In fact, make sure you send something along...say, maybe a bouquet of flowers, or a box of candy, and send it certified. That way, if they have to sign for it at least you know they received it.

Tip 5-Don't bother with writer's groups, or online networking. You don't have time to talk to other people. You need to live the life of a writer, so lock yourself away and write. Other writers will just be jealous of your talent and drag you down. In fact, if you let anyone critique you, they may steal your work and make a lot of money.

How do you keep AIS?

Once again, I lay awake last night staring at the ceiling! As boring as that sounds, this is the time some of my best ideas come (my mom's always comes as she's drifting off to sleep). While I know I promised to start posting on a strict schedule, a little thing called life continuously gets in the way. However, having said that...I promise to try to post more regularly. Deal?

So, without further adieu, today's post. I kept thinking about my promise to bring writing tips by experts...but, as I lay in bed last night, I thought "who better to give advice than other writers?" Lord knows, I have plenty of those up my sleeves. I'll start the tips and add tips and advice from other writers through the next few weeks.

What's my topic, you ask? How to keep your AIS. For those of you who aren't Everybody Loves Raymond fans, that's A** In Seat.

Okay, CL, how do you keep AIS? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are a few of my favorite AIS techniques and tips I've learned, read, or come up with over the past year or so.

1. Gotta have the noise. There are some days when I'll turn on the TV while I write. Now, this is not something you want to do if you're easily distracted. If I turn on the TV it has to be something I couldn't care less to watch; you know, Real Housewives of whatever County, Bad Girls Club, or some chic talk show.

2. Easily distracted by the television? This happens to me at times, as well. In this instance, gotta have the music. I always suggest building playlists around a specific book. I'm lucky enough to have a program to burn Cd's, so I can pick lots of songs, and load up a few discs. If you don't have this technology, there is always playlist.com. At this site you can build as many playlists as you want from their large music library. Or, you can choose someone else's to listen to. I prefer mine, thank you very much.

3. Make sure you have food or drink within reach. I'm not saying to keep a small refrigerator within reach, just a snack. My biggie is Jolly Ranchers. This is something I started after I quit smoking. I also have to have coffee or a glass of soda within arm's reach. If you keep these around you won't have to stop to search out a snack. There's one more excuse you can't use....

4. Don't turn off your Internet. Yep, you read that right. Personally, I found if I shut down my Internet I get overly curious and at times anxious. If I keep these things up and in the background, I'll see along the top if I get a new email and can head over and come back in less than a second (I'm obsessed with my email. Never know when an agent will contact you).

5. My last tip for the day is smells. I can see you all making faces. I mean scents, as in aroma therapy crap. I prefer lavender, or apple cinnamon during this time of the year. During the warmer months I lean toward floral or citrus scents. But, back to this season...I have incense sticks I burn in an ashtray (I no longer use them for cigs), or about six candles I burn throughout the house, as well as tarts I melt in a warmer. I get my tarts from the lovely people at Mr. T's Tarts and Gifts. If you use goat's milk soap or tarts, check these people out. Love their products, and they sell them at a great price.

Well, that's it for today. Was any of that helpful? What do you do to keep your AIS? Any strange rituals before you write?