I don't belong to your Clique!!!!

This weekend I went out to dinner with a close friend, then went to watch my husband's band. If you saw the two of us together you'd end up scratching your head. My friend is very put together, wears beautiful clothes, her hair is always impeccable, and her makeup is always perfect. She reapplies her lipstick several times a day and checks her powder to make sure her skin is flawless. Me? Yeah, I was wearing a black skirt, t-shirt, two-tone fishnet tights, black sparkly Converse shoes, cat eyes and red lipstick. But we have so much in common and have a blast together (even if we do get looks when we go out).

In high school I had my group of friends I hung out with after school, but was friends with everyone. I didn't restrict myself to one clique. I had friends on the cheerleading team, football and baseball teams, nerds, freaks, etc. I never discriminated.

What's my point, you ask?

Cliques!

I've noticed that with every form of art there is a clique that follows. My youngest sister is a painter and deals with it in school. My husband is a musician (and artist) and he sees it, even among adults. And I'm a writer....Yep, I see it everyday.

On Facebook I have over 1200 friends. Now, I don't "know" all of these people, but interact with 95% of them on a weekly, and sometimes daily, basis. With the exception of family and friends, these are people in the industry - other authors, editors, agents, publishers, illustrators, book cover artists, etc. When I see a fellow author get a great deal, or even a movie author I'm ecstatic. Why wouldn't I be? I know firsthand how much time it takes to complete a novel, perfect it, find an agent, etc. I know the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into every chapter of your baby. But, I've noticed not everyone is like that.

Sometimes, just like in high school, you come across a person, or group of people, whose jealousy (or maybe just lack of personal life) forces them to bash anyone who may have success. They stalk blogs, Facebook and Twitter accounts, and make snarky comments to anyone who will listen.

I'll be the first to admit I don't comment on people's blogs enough. The truth is, I don't know how to find out these people have a new blog post unless they share it on one of the social sites. I'm not a very tech savvy person. Also, if someone has said what I was thinking, what's the point of going "yeah, what he said." I know every time there's a comment on a blog an alert goes to their email, so I'm sure they don't appreciate the equivalent of a texted "k", or "lol".

I no longer belong to a writer's group, my critique partners are online, people I've me through social networks. I no longer reveal personal information to anyone I don't know on an extremely personal level, and I don't get involved in the bickering on boards. I don't have the time. Between writing, researching, editing, housework, raising three kids, two dogs, chickens, lizards, and cats...oh, and a wonderful husband, I just don't have the time for any added drama. Save the drama for your mama.

How about you? Have you experienced any cliques, or backstabbing in the creative world?

You can walk away from an abusive relationship!

I had started writing a clever blog about writing, and after staring at it for two days, I chose to start over. I heard an interview on the radio today with the author of Heroes for My Son, and now Heroes for My Daughter. The host of the radio show said something about Tina Turner, saying "Don't wait 16 years." He then went on to say how some women may have 35cents and a Mobil card in their pocket and may not be able to leave.

This interview got me thinking about my own experience. It's no secret I stayed in an abusive marriage for seven years. And, those who knew me before (and especially years after) I was in that relationship were shocked to discover I stayed with someone who would treat me like that. My first answer is always because I loved him. I was young, and believed love can cure all. I thought he loved me enough.

But, that's obviously not a good enough reason to stay with someone who would hurt you. I'll tell you a little more - When I finally left my ex-husband and filed for a restraining order, I had only been working at my new job for a few months, I had never paid a single bill, and I had no idea how to cook anything other than macaroni and cheese.

I was terrified of being on my own. Not only would I be in charge of every aspect of the home and family, but I would have to learn how to do things most people at my age took for granted. I can remember the gratification I felt the first time I mailed a check to the mortgage company. Granted, it was late because I was broke, but I did it. That was the first milestone for me. From mailing that single piece of paper out I realized I could do it. I could live on my own, support my children, and make sure we had somewhere to live and food in our bellies.

Was it easy? Hell no! I struggled constantly, dropping major weight because there was only enough food for my three kids. We used space heaters during the winter when I couldn't afford to fill the propane tank, and we didn't go out to eat. But, I learned to cook...quite well, actually. My kids grew stronger knowing they were safe. I grew stronger.

Today, I'm married to a wonderful man, someone who supports everything I do, including my dream of becoming a published author.

What does this have to do with writing, you ask? Not a damn thing. But, now you know a little more about me, and why I don't give up...ever!

Networking, Internet, and Relationships....

As an author I'm a member of several networking groups. I'm on Facebook, MySpace (apparently the last person), Twitter, LinkdIn, etc. On these sites I've met hundreds of fellow writers, some in my genre, others not. Networking is extremely important, but how do you keep everything in balance?

I'm a married mother of three, and slave to several pets including reptiles (those of you who own them know how much time it takes to care for them daily). I'm responsible for keeping up the house, laundry, dinners, grocery shopping, running errands, and a slew of everyday oddities. On top of these regular daily chores, I also have children who require medication, constant visits to mental health providers, as well as the usual pediatrician visits. I haven't even started the orthodontist visits, yet.

Now, with all those things going on I still have to find time to write, research, market, format, etc. Then I'm supposed to spend hours a day on these networking sites? How in the world does one do that? I get on Facebook and Twitter two to three times a day, check the first page, like and comment, then head back to whatever it was I was doing before opening Facebook.com. I try to read blogs, and have found some which are extremely entertaining or informative, but either don't leave a comment because I have nothing constructive to add, or someone else beat me to the punch.

Am I setting myself up for failure by not trolling every networking site and blog and leaving comments, "likes", or the good ole "lol" on every single post? Am I setting myself up to be seen as self-centered or a recluse? I definitely don't want the people I've built relationships with thinking I'm ignoring them, but my time is stretched so thin it's damn near transparent.

So, please, dear wise ones...how do you balance life, writing, and networking? Those of you who seem to be active on fifteen boards...are you retired with grown children, or did you find the secret for an extra hour in the day?